Desire

This post is going to be a little shorter mainly because I’m on the plane back to Brooklyn after a 6-week tour and I was so excited to see my friends that I could hardly fall asleep last night. The general end-of-tour energy suck and ramblings of a half-crazy person have been going on for about four days now and I seem to be hanging on by a very caffeinated thread. But, life is good nevertheless and my thoughts are rushing around in a frenzy.

I have learned so much in the last couple of months about myself, about music, and about performance. Most of all, I have felt consumed by what it it’s like to want something so deeply. So this post is about desire. That incredible feeling that takes over when you day dream so hard you swear you can almost stretch out your hand and grab it. The thing is so close, but at the same time so romantically fleeting. That’s what keeps me striving for something that may seem so impossible.

Maybe to achieve the extraordinary we need to be crazy enough to believe that somehow we are the exception to the rule, the defect, or the special one. When we were kids we were asked what we wanted to be when we grew up and our answers were (most-likely) always pretty crazy-sounding. We believed we were the lucky one. When I was ten I told my mom I wanted to be a “pop star”. Pretty funny at the time, but I spend a lot of time in the pop world now.

I feel incredibly grateful to have been able to just get my foot in the door of the day dream so far. Unimaginable events have occurred and it feels that every time I end a tour with a new group, I sit back and think, ‘what the fuck just happened?’ And the thing is that it all happens so fast that I can’t even make chronological or logical sense of it. It’s like a speeding train that I just hopped on at the right stop and have tried to stay on without losing my footing.

So now I enter three weeks of “floating”. No tour, no apartment, no time-sensitive commitments except those of my own. It’s going to be a great test of focus and desire as a work on my own music. But, that’s exactly why I’m writing about desire, because I want to remind each and every one of you to hold onto that crazy fucking feeling. Keep it deep inside you because that fire will guide you through the bullshit. Don’t be afraid to be yourself, to stand up for what you believe in, and to let your voice be heard. I’ve heard you guys – I’ve gotten your emails and letters and tweets and Facebook messages and each of you seem to have this amazing story, and almost every letter expresses a desire to do something big. And I say just do it. Do it harder and with more fire than you ever have and amazing things will unveil themselves. I don’t know how else to explain this entire last year of my life. All I can say is that it started with me really, really wanting to get up off the floor and put the pieces back together and rise above a sadness and hopelessness. I’m still trying to make it better all the time, to achieve a better quality of life, to build greater relationships, and stronger internal happiness.

That’s all for now. I’m about to land and see my loved ones and hold them and dance with them. They are the fuel that always keeps my wheels turning. Thank you to everyone who has been reading my posts. I’m so happy to be able to keep them coming.

All my love,

Sulene